The physical transformations your body
undergoes as you age also have a major
influence on your sexuality. Declining
hormone levels and changes in neurological
and circulatory functioning may lead to
sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction
or vaginal pain.
Such physical changes often mean that the
intensity of youthful sex may give way to
more subdued responses during middle
and later life. But the emotional by-products
of maturity — increased confidence,
better communication skills, and lessened
inhibitions — can help create a richer, more
nuanced, and ultimately satisfying sexual
experience. However, many people fail to
realize the full potential of later-life sex.
By understanding the crucial physical and
emotional elements that underlie satisfying
sex, you can better navigate problems if they
arise.
Treating sexual problems is easier now than
ever before. Medications and professional
sex therapists are there if you need them.
But you may be able to resolve minor sexual
issues by making a few adjustments in your
lovemaking style. Here are some things you
can try at home.
1.Educate yourself.
Plenty of good self-help materials are
available for every type of sexual issue.
Browse the Internet or your local bookstore,
pick out a few resources that apply to you and use them to help you and your partner
become better informed about the problem.
If talking directly is too difficult, you and
your partner can underline passages that
you particularly like and show them to each
other.
2.Give yourself time.
As you age, your sexual responses slow
down. You and your partner can improve
your chances of success by finding a quiet,
comfortable, interruption-free setting for
sex. Also, understand that the physical
changes in your body mean that you’ll need
more time to get aroused and reach orgasm.
When you think about it, spending more time
having sex isn’t a bad thing; working these
physical necessities into your lovemaking
routine can open up doors to a new kind of
sexual experience.
3.Use lubrication.
Often, the vaginal dryness that begins in
perimenopause can be easily corrected with
lubricating liquids and gels. Use these freely
to avoid painful sex — a problem that can
snowball into flagging libido and growing
relationship tensions. When lubricants no
longer work, discuss other options with your
doctor.
4.Maintain physical affection.
Even if you’re tired, tense, or upset about the
problem, engaging in kissing and cuddling is
essential for maintaining an emotional and
physical bond.
5.Practice touching.
The sensate focus techniques that sex
therapists use can help you re-establish
physical intimacy without feeling pressured.
Many self-help books and educational videos
offer variations on these exercises. You may
also want to ask your partner to touch you
in a manner that he or she would like to be
touched. This will give you a better sense of
how much pressure, from gentle to firm, you
should use.
6.Try different positions.
Developing a repertoire of different
sexual positions not only adds interest to
lovemaking but can also help overcome
problems. For example, the increased
stimulation to the G-spot that occurs when a
man enters his partner from behind can help
the woman reach orgasm.
7.Write down your fantasies.
This exercise can help you explore possible
activities you think might be a turn-on
for you or your partner. Try thinking of an
experience or a movie that aroused you and
then share your memory with your partner.
This is especially helpful for people with low
desire.
8.Do Kegel exercises.
Both men and women can improve their
sexual fitness by exercising their pelvic floor
muscles. To do these exercises, tighten the
muscle you would use if you were trying to
stop urine in midstream. Hold the contraction
for two or three seconds, then release. Repeat
10 times. Try to do five sets a day. These
exercises can be done anywhere — while
driving, sitting at your desk, or standing in
a checkout line. At home, women may use
vaginal weights to add muscle resistance.
Talk to your doctor or a sex therapist about
where to get these and how to use them.
9.Try to relax.
Do something soothing together before
having sex, such as playing a game or
going out for a nice dinner. Or try relaxation
techniques such as deep breathing exercises
or yoga.
10.Use a vibrator.
This device can help a woman learn about
her own sexual response and allow her to
show her partner what she likes.
11.Don’t give up.
If none of your efforts seem to work, don’t give
up hope. Your doctor can often determine
the cause of your sexual problem and may
be able to identify effective treatments. He or
she may suggest you consider a sex therapist
who can help you explore issues that may be
standing in the way of a fulfilling sex life.
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